They get it.

You know, I never thought that the adoption process would be so hard. I knew that it could take a while to get placed with a baby but I didn't really understand the heartache, the emotional ups and downs and the effect it would have on my wonderful daughters. We have been very open with the girls about adoption, how it works, why we are doing it, where our baby will come from and even prepared them if their new brother or sister doesn't have the same skin color as them (we don't have any restriction on race). Adri and Myka get it, they understand the situation better than I think most grown ups do. It's great except for since they do understand so well, they also have some of the emotions that go with it. They tell people that my "tummy is broken so another mommy has to grow our baby in her tummy." They asked my sister who is pregnant, "Are you going to give us your baby? Is that our baby in your tummy?" They pray every night for our family to adopt soon. They have tried to "adopt" other kids. At a ward party they came up to me, so seriously, and told me to hurry up and go with them. They took me up to a little boy and told me that he didn't have a family and that we needed to adopt him and make him a part of our family. Let me tell you that that was fun explaining to his sister and mom. A few weeks ago I was having a hard day and Myka gave me a big hug and said "It takes a long time to adopt huh mom." After watching a movie where a little girl grew up without her parents Adri decided that Lucy was a good name to name our future baby. Lucy was the name of the character in the movie. Now both Myka and Adri like to try out different names for "our baby." You see they get it, they understand better than I ever thought that kids their age could and it makes it all the more heart wrenching. I never thought that the adoption process of waiting would affect our girls so much. They will be such amazing big sisters. I pray every day that they get that chance soon.

Precious Moments

I had a sweet, yet heart breaking moment with my girls last night.  I was reading Robert Munsch's "Love You Forever" book to Myka and Adri for bedtime. Toward the end of the book Adri made the comment that "the mommy won't be sick in Heaven, she'll be healthy." I was so proud that my little Adri had that understanding at 4 years old. Then when the book was over and I was kissing them goodnight Adri just starts sobbing. I laid back down by her and was trying to figure out what was wrong when she just kept saying "I don't want you to die mom, I don't want you to die!" It's making me cry just remembering it. Then Myka starts to sob and says through tears "I don't want you to die either mom. I want you to live forever. Don't grow old!" Well it only took me a second to realise what brought this on. My sweet little girls finally understood the ending of the book that we have read a hundred times and there I was holding my two sobbing angels who didn't want their mommy to grow old and die. Is there anything sweeter than knowing that your children love you that much? At the same time is there anything more heart breaking than knowing that that time will come when you can't hold them anymore? I love my family so much! They are everything to me. As I'm crying while I write this it simply reminds me that there is nothing more precious in this world that the love of your children. I love you Myka! I love you Adri! Thank you so much for loving me like I love you. You are my girls now and forever.

"I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my babies you'll be."